Gazing off into space

I am at the point now where no matter what you say, it will not help the way I feel.  I don’t want to be told “Everything is going to be ok”.  There are too many unkowns: has the cancer spread to my lymph nodes or further and do I carry one of the more than 20 genes that increase my chances for developing breast cancer.

Since my older sister developed breast cancer in her 40s my chances of carrying one of those genes increases.  It isn’t just BRCA1 or BRCA2.  It is a list of genes that include CDH1, EPCAM, MLH1, MSH2, PMS2, PTEN, STK11, TP53 and those are just the high risk genes.  There are three moderate risk genes and 7 unknown risk genes.  With the 7 unknown risk genes, they don’t know what to do if you have them but breast and/or ovarian cancer are commonly associated cancers.

Tomorrow morning at 11am I will have a half hour chat with the pre-op nurse.  I really don’t feel like talking to anyone about it.  All I want to do is to pet the cats.

Today I don’t feel so well.  I have a stomach bug I think.  I am not sure if I caught it from the brunch I ate at a restaurant yesterday or if it is nerves.